The Real Housewives of Melbourne will feature six new housewives who enjoy the lavish, pampered and cultured lifestyle who own private jets, amazing homes and are married to high profile businessmen, including one to a rock star and another to a plastic surgeon
Did you miss the first episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne? What were you thinking? Picture: Jake Nowakowski Source: News Corp Australia
DID you miss the first episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne? Why — was the TV not working in your private jet?
Don’t worry — we’ve put in the hard yards for you. Here are the ladies of RHOM in their own words, from tonight’s debut episode:
Gina Liano, 47, South Yarra, barrister
Gina’s catchphrase: “I’ll give you my opinion, but you’d better be ready to hear it.” Picture: Foxtel. Source: Supplied
“Looking good is very important to me, as you can see ...” (gestures to a skin-tight, bedazzled, cleavage-baring minidress that looks as though it was taken from the Brynne Edelsten Collection)
“I have often described myself as the ultimate drag queen.”
“I parent my children in a very Italian way. Italian mothers spend a lot of time focusing on guilt and fear.”
We like you, Gina. You’re our favourite.
Lydia Schiavello, 45, Malvern
Lydia’s catchphrase: “I may look like a jetsetter, but my feet are firmly on the ground.” Picture: Foxtel. Source: Supplied
“We go to our snow house every weekend in the wintertime. Usually we fly ourselves there with the jet. I love fast cars, I love my fast jet, and I love my fast husband ... so it all matches.”
“I am the one who wears the pants at home. [Husband] Andrew’s the one who wears the pants at work. But when we’re together at home, I’m usually hopping in his pants ... and vice versa. So, yes we do share ... (dramatic pause) our pants.”
WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS EVEN MEAN, LYDIA. YOU ARE TALKING IN PANTS RIDDLES.
Janet Roach, 55, South Yarra/Red Hill
Janet’s catchphrase: “When life throws rocks, I melt them down into diamonds.” Source: Supplied
“I never wash my own hair — I always go to the hairdresser. I think it’s important to have a certain level of maintenance.” Janet you’re a person, not an aircraft. You can give yourself a shampoo.
“I actually don’t know anybody who doesn’t have regular Botox.”
“During the week, I live in a boutique hotel in South Yarra. On the weekends I stay on my property in Red Hill.” – Janet, we have so much in common! During the week, I go to work. On the weekends, I lay around in bed watching videos of Pomeranians on the internet.
“I’ve seen clairvoyants, I’ve seen witches, I’ve seen psychics, and Jackie is the real deal.”
Which brings us to ...
Jackie Gillies, 33, psychic and wife of Silverchair drummer Ben Gillies
Jackie’s catchphrase: ““My husband may be a rock star, but now it’s my turn to shine shine shine!” Umm Jackie, this catchphrase only really works if your husband’s Vanessa Amorosi. Picture: Foxtel Source: Supplied
“Do you want to know something amazing? When I unravelled the carpet, I found a little feather (points in wonder at a small feather on the floor, likely from a pillow or cushion). When I see a feather, it signifies that the angels in the universe surround me, supporting my needs and my prayers that I’ve asked for.” It also signifies that you need to vacuum.
“The angels know everything that you do! They know how you think, how you feel, and they know what you want out of life.” Then why didn’t they know I wanted a Tamagotchi for Christmas?
“Yes I have house cleaners, yes I have chefs, yes I go on luxury holidays, yes I have houses overseas, yes I have gorgeous jewellery, but that’s not what defines me.’
“I’m young, I’m gorgeous, I’m fabulous, I’m married to a rock star.”
“Look at my amazing face, I don’t need (plastic surgery).”
You know why we like Jackie? She’s humble.
Andrea Moss 45, skin care specialist, Toorak resident AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT.
Andrea’s catchphrase: “Never come between a woman and her plastic surgeon.” Picture: Foxtel. Source: Supplied
“Toorak’s definitely regarded as the Beverly Hills of Melbourne.” (false: it’s actually regarded as the Toorak of Melbourne.)
“I live in Toorak, I work in Toorak, and I shop in Toorak. Sometimes I feel as though I need a passport to escape from Toorak.”
Can we get Andrea an oversized ‘I HEART TOORAK’ novelty T-shirt please?
“I tend to avoid bitchy women — I’m too time-poor to engage in their crap. But if they say something that gets under my skin, I will have a go at them and they will retreat because I. NEVER. LOSE.” Fun fact: Andrea is an accredited Toorak streetfighter.
Chyka Keebaugh, 45, Malvern
Chyka’s catchphrase: “My fabulous life comes down to love and laughter — not luck.” Source: Supplied
Chyka talked honestly and eloquently about her love for her husband, her children, and the demands of managing the successful catering business she’s built up over the years. It wasn’t very interesting.
LIFT YOUR GAME NEXT WEEK PLEASE CHYKA.
Catch the ridiculous and kind of amazing Real Housewives of Melbourne, Sundays 8:30pm on Foxtel’s Arena Channel.
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