North Melbourne captain Andrew Swallow in action before hurting his shoulder against Brisbane. Picture: Getty Source: Getty Images
HELLO, my name is North Melbourne and I have a problem.
Sometimes, the first step is the hardest, but once you take it, the fog lifts and clarity abounds.
It doesn't mean the problem disappears, but it remains a reference point as each and every step is taken to control what too often appears to be the uncontrollable.
North Melbourne is football's alcoholic: Unpredictable, inconsistent, a lifestyle swirling between being the life of the party and the darkened soul who blames everyone but himself.
Of any team in the competition, they are without identity.
They used to be the Shinboners, an intangible quality based around blue-collar work ethic and a never-say-die attitude.
Now in his fourth season as coach, Brad Scott wanted his young team - how long can we call them young? - to build their own identity.
They have failed.
And the Shinboner tag is dead.
It starts with the coach and filters through to the players.
Scott is not a Ross Lyon.
Within 12 months of Lyon taking over at St Kilda and Fremantle, Lyon had installed a defensive work ethic and strategy which became the clubs' brand.
North Melbourne can be an offensive juggernaut one week, a la against Richmond last week, and the next be opened up like a can of John West's finest, a la against Brisbane, Geelong, Adelaide and Gold Coast.
In those games, the Kangas led by 41 points (Cats), 39 points (Crows), 31 points (Suns) and 33 points (Lions), yet they lost all those games.
Astoundingly, they go from complete control to having periods where they are too easily scored against.
There was a suggestion several years ago, called the "30-point rule", where the game was effectively over when a team got five goals in front.
Maybe four times a year across the competition, that rule was debunked. North has had four of their own this year.
The loss to Brisbane on Saturday night was again galling.
Vast credit to the Lions and coach Michael Voss who have installed strong belief. So much so, that Voss, who had one foot in the coaching grave, has dusted himself off and is primed for a contract extension.
The Lions kicked 13.4 to 7.2 after half-time, including seven in the final quarter.
In the third quarter, Daniel Rich had 12 touches, six contested, six inside 50s, five score involvements and an incredible 424m gained.
Champion Data stats tell us he wasn't applied a serious tag with Swallow, Firrito and Greenwood all spending time in the midfielder.
It is a snapshot of North's inability to shut down mid-match.
Scott is an interesting character.
He speaks with authority and passion, yet his team treats both with contempt.
Maybe Scott's confidence in his players is overblown. Maybe Scott's confidence in his own coaching is overblown.
Before this weekend, they had used the least number of players in the competition - 30 - and they sit 11th on the ladder with a 6-9 win-loss record.
They were dealt a difficult draw - they play three of last year's top four twice and Geelong twice - but at the same time have had a terrible run with injuries.
Against the Lions they suffered a series of injuries, yet this game was also decided by work ethic in the midfield, and a lack of leaders asserting themselves when the game was its hottest.
It's time for Scott to play his list.
He has to make a decision on grand campaigners Michael Firrito and Leigh Adams, who are inconsistent, and should find out if the Delaneys - Luke and Cameron - can cut it, along with Jordan Gysberts, who they recruited this year, and even Kieran Harper, who has fallen off the face of the earth.
And what of Scott himself?
The decision to extend his contract until the end of the 2016 season now appears premature. Because the jury is as much out on him as it is on his team.
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